In a marriage that has been broken, you have two options:
- You can choose to Stay and Forgive;
- You can Leave.
Does either option mean you are right or wrong?
I’ve heard many times that it takes a stronger person to leave a bad marriage than it does to stay and work through the issues. I don’t know that I necessarily believe that. Yes, indeed it does take strength to leave a marriage and divorce however in time, the feelings become less painful because you do not see the person who harmed you, at least on a daily basis. Yet if you choose to stay in a broken marriage and work through the issues with he/she who hurt you, the unpleasant emotions can be staring you right in the face. You can even be sleeping right next to the one who caused you so much grief.
The strength to stay and forgive
This is one of the less traveled options I have found in my research of broken marriages. This is also the option I chose about two (2) years ago in my own. I know first-hand how devastating a betrayal can be and how much strength is needed to forgive and stay with my spouse. I couldn’t do it alone. I had a mental breakdown with depression. I am medicated to this day to help me deal with leftover emotions of despair and devastation of the event that literally broke me, temporarily.
However, I am making a comeback. I am in a marriage that has been broken yet because of the vows I took, I chose to try to work it out. My spouse, I believe, saw the wrong in what he did and chose to “pull his head out of his a$$” as he says. I live day-to-day knowing there are no guarantees in marriage as I previously thought. Marriage, just like everything in life, has no guarantees. We must live for the moment.
I am happy that I was able to forgive and move on and try to build a new in my marriage. In some ways, our marriage is better than it was. In others, the trust level will never and can never be the same. What I can do is to choose to trust for today and build as our relationship grows.
The strength to leave
I don’t believe in divorce however I do believe there can be reasons where I would definitely make an exception. I grew up in a dysfunctional family. My Father was a functioning alcoholic. That means, he basically was drunk 24/7 however during the workweek, he managed to put on his Supervisor cap and function normal at work. At home was the issue. He was a verbally abusive drunk. My Mother would physically abuse him when he acted this way. In my mind now, my Mother should have divorced him however as the devout Roman Catholic my Mother was she would not leave him. She couldn’t break her vows and she didn’t want to have a broken family for my brother and I. Little did she know, we were already broken.
I have many friends that have divorced and left broken relationships. Do I agree with their reasons? Not every one of them but it’s not up to me now is it? In some of the cases, I would have left myself. I don’t believe in abusive relationships nor will I stand to live with an alcoholic or drug addict.
The strength to leave what has been familiar for so long has to be extremely hard. When I faced it, the thought devastated me. I couldn’t believe I was going to throw away 10 years of being with the same man because of his immaturity and ignorance. Where did the man I loved and married go to?How do people find the strength to walk away? If there are children involved it has to be that much harder? Yet there are women and men that do it every day.
So how do people find the strength to walk away? What is their ultimate decision based on? If there are children involved it has to be that much harder? Yet there are women and men that do it every day.
Where does this strength come from?
Over to you
I would love to hear from you, Not Now Mom’s Busy readers who have indeed left a marriage. How did you find the strength? Was it easier to physically walk away versus emotionally? Do you try and find forgiveness?
What about those of you who chose to stay? How hard was it for you to forgive? Do you feel your marriage is stronger that it was before?
Please share with us below.