He’s not a dog, but sometimes maybe you wish he had more dog-like qualities. Namely, his ability to be trained. You love your husband unconditionally and know it’s returned, but sometimes he’s so frustrating. The dishes are never clean, the house is a mess, and laundry never gets done unless you do it. Not only that, but at the end of a long day it seems like he never really listens to your problems.
So how can you get your husband to be more attentive? Train him. Like a dog, but a human. Here are some great tips as to how to do it.
Problem: He doesn’t listen.
There are two solutions to this problem. One, pick the proper time and place. Two, pick your words properly.
For the former, your husband is going to be much less likely to listen after a long day at work. Though it’s usually the first time of day the two of you get to sit down together, sometimes he’ll feel like it’s an attack. He’s just come home from work, so his mind hasn’t had a chance to slow down. Wait until after dinner to bring up something that’s been bothering you. His full stomach will make him more likely to pay attention to you rather than everything going on at work.
For the latter, use more “I” statements than “you” statements. It feels less like accusations and nagging that way. “I feel like we need to work together on keeping the house clean” sounds so much better than “You never help me clean.”
For both, lead by example. You’ll find that the more you help him, the more he’ll help you. For example, maybe you’ve been on his case for smoking for years and he tunes you out. Instead of nagging, suggest an alternative. Maybe even provide one yourself. An NJOY vape kit could work wonders in helping him tone down the smoking—and maybe it’ll even give you time every day to sit down and chat while he has his evening vape.
Problem: You want more spice in the marriage.
Totally normal. Feeling like your relationship has dulled over the years? That’s okay. There are a few ways to throw some spice back into your marriage.
One idea is to designate one night a week as date night. Don’t do the same thing every week; make it a goal to do something different every week for four or six months. Go to a movie one night, go on a dinner cruise another night, or maybe even spend a day at a national park!
Want to stay home for your date night? Make it something of a spa night, but perform the spa treatments together. Take a bubble bath together or take turns giving massages. As the two of you spend more time together doing fun and exciting things, you’ll find the spark will naturally return to your marriage.
Problem: He doesn’t do what you want.
Whether it’s dishes, chores or laundry, he just isn’t getting the hint that you need help around the house. The solution? Offer rewards each time he does something good. Just like a dog, sometimes people need positive reinforcements for good behavior.
Tell him that you’ll buy him a bottle of his favorite scotch if he does the laundry that week. Offer to help him put on a poker night with the boys if he cleans the house (and make sure he understands that he has to help clean up after the poker night as well). Need the dishes done? Offer to make him his favorite meal if he takes care of the dishes after.
The more he’s given in reward for his work, the more likely he might take the initiative in the future. After all, giving a dog a treat when they’re learning to sit is the best way to get them in the habit of sitting when you ask in the future, right? Eventually he won’t need incentive to clean the house. He’ll just do it because he loves you!
Training your husband to be exactly what you want takes some work, and requires help on your side as well. It isn’t just him that needs to work on his actions, it’ll take cooperation from both of you to create a successful and happy marriage. So get training now!
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